Thursday, 23 April 2015

A new menace on the streets of west London

So, I am learning to drive. My rather lovely instructor took me on when I was heavily pregnant with the latest eenie weenie. He tactfully suggested we save reversing for when I was able to turn round.

He's remarkably calm given that he is teaching a cyclist who started lessons at the age of 31 while hormonal and irrational with no previous experience. There were long gaps in my tuition when I gave birth and then for months when I had no babysitting plan.

I know my instructor is a churchgoing man, so I have managed to avoid swearing until yesterday. There were a few muted "bloody, crappy poo"'s going on on some sharp bends, but I was doing well. That is until a guy on a recumbent bike ignored the obligation to give way as I turnd into his road and shot out in front of the car. I believe my exact words were "What a fucking nobhead".

Oh the shame. A churchgoing man whose only signs of panic is to call me "mate" a lot when I'm about to run into things (ie "Ummm, bit close to the bush there mates, the bush, the bushes mate, mates, the BUSHES"). Not only that, but a bike was the source of my swearing.

Who am I? What have I become? Will I start wearing ugly sports jackets, putting emphasis on random syllables and punching people who refuse to bring me steak?

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